top of page

Does Size Really Matter?


In being a relationship coach, couples’ counselor, and kink professional; I have been asked on numerous occasions am I the right size or could I be bigger. So, it led me on a journey of curiosity as to whether size matters to a potential partner when having sexual intercourse. The underlying sentiment for females is that size doesn't matter the important aspect is how you use it. However, in the male population insecurities about size often are in the forefront of thoughts. Remember these are my own thoughts, opinions, and suggestions when it comes to the size of a penis.


There has been a recent study done that I found quite interesting involving the size of a penis, productive sperm count, and the distance between the scrotum and the anus. This study was particularly interesting because it has found penis size is decreasing. Sperm count is decreasing and the distance between the scrotum and the anus is also decreasing. Simply because there are many penis sizes and shapes it is hard to measure penises to an accurate scale. So, this study looked primarily at sperm count, and they found from the early 80s to the present year men's sperm count has decreased by 50%. That's a very shocking number in my opinion. The study actively concluded that BPAs and phthalates we consume or absorb in our household and our daily living is the cause. These chemicals are in 90% of all household items and take out containers that we use. That is a very scary prospect when noting smaller penis size is affected in-uterus and continues to play a part in sperm production throughout a male’s natural life.


The next aspect I was curious about was what is the normal or average size of a male penis. Since I don't own one, I had to look at statistics to find this answer. In general, every country has its own average. Studies on sperm count and productivity have shown that penis size is affected by location on the globe and nationality as well as genetics. The average in Canada for an erect penis is just over 4 inches and ranges to just below 7 inches. The average girth of a penis in Canada is just below 2 inches in diameter to 5 inches in diameter. When talking with females on the aspect of girth, the consensus was enough girth to feel full was preferred. There was no preference to length.


What we encounter in social media, the Internet, advertising, peer review and in pornography all play a part in the male psyche when it comes to size of the penis. Historically we are drawn to a male that looks strong and well built with even a sizable flaccid penis is the standard for attractiveness. Scientists think that this is a pre-set in our mind put there by ancient man's need to further human population growth. Just as men perceive women that have a good hip structure and ample breast tissue to be the ideal for attractiveness. This is information based on scientific polls of male and female populations. However, pornography plays a big part in society now and the industry tends to favor males with larger penises. The average male working in the sex industry has a penis size of 8 to 12 inches. Simply for camera aesthetics. It's little wonder that people in society and in dating, have insecurities. It's interesting to note here that 95% of the population have an average-sized penis. That means if you are slightly above the national average for your location or slightly smaller for your location you are a very small minority. Even with this knowledge insecurities persist whether small or large.


Women even though they say size doesn't matter some may be more comfortable with a smaller penis. That preference comes from the fear factor. After all, perception of pain and discomfort is perceived to happen with a larger penis. When in fact it is not the size but how it is used with a partner that truly matters.


Some truly interesting facts about the female vulva can help us understand truly that penis size doesn't matter. The female vagina is a muscle it has the ability to tense and relax. It can contract and seize. It also can expand and open. The female vagina can produce lubrication or dry up. It can also go back to its original size and even shrink. The female vulva is truly an amazing organ. When the female is aroused the vulva and the clitoris expand and open to allow for penetration. Therefore, I as a kink educator and coach focus so highly on intimacy in foreplay before sex.


If you have a perceived smaller to the normal-sized penis and are looking for ways to enhance lovemaking it can greatly be said that sexual positions are key. In this situation, you are looking for sex positions that provide more contact and deeper penetration. Positions that keep your partner's legs closed and allow for good thrust. Examples that fall in this category are the classic missionary with females’ legs closed and together between the males. Doggy style but with the female having her knees together curled in on herself. If you are looking for deeper controlled thrusts reverse cowgirl position might be for you. The key to these positions is narrowing the vaginal cavity and tightening the muscles to feel the penis.


If you have a larger-sized penis, it always helps to remember that vagina will react to the female’s mental state. If your partner perceives your penis as painful her vagina will contract and become dry. Some things you can do to enhance lovemaking involve allowing her to have the final say in the speed of thrust and depth of penetration. Also, in allowing for communication throughout the entire process. A little extra lube can help when it comes to extra size or girth. Examples of positions that can help you have great sex involve positions where she can control the rate at which lovemaking happens. One of these positions would be standing doggy style with her against the wall and hips tilted back so her bottom is pressing against you. Missionary position is always valuable in penetration control for the female, especially when starting your lovemaking session. A third position involves the male sitting cross-legged on the bed and the female sitting in his lap face to face with her legs wrapping around his waist. This position limits penetration and opens the hips, it angles the penis for maximum clitoral stimuli.


Looking at this topic from a kink perspective is rather interesting. Knowing what the human body is capable of and understanding how it works leaves the topics or kinks of large object insertion, fisting, gaping, and Vaginal stretching on the table for discussion. Also knowing that a human baby passes through the vagina simply allows me to accept that a large penis will not cause me harm if used correctly. It all comes down to communication and understanding the human body. How effectively you tell your partner what hurts, what feels good, to slow down or speed up all have an impact on your lovemaking. Communication also starts outside of lovemaking with your partner knowing what is liked and disliked before sex even happens is key.


In my opinion, it is not the size of the penis that should ever dictate whether sex is good or bad. It is my opinion if you want to experience amazing sex you need to practice, learn, and study the human body. Sharing a deeper connection over a series of one-night stands will lead to a healthier active sexual lifestyle. Also knowing your own body and how you like to give and receive pleasure will play a huge part in being a good lover.


You should also be aware that there are resources to help. We live in an age of technology and information. You can source books, classes, workshops, coaches, and therapists that all specialize in sex and human sexuality. There are ways to access all information anonymously and some are even supported by Canada’s health care providers. It all comes down to self-confidence in wanting a fulfilling and happy life. After all, sex is a part of life.

92 views2 comments

Recent Posts

See All
bottom of page