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Spontaneous Loving

May 7, 2018

For years I thought that intimacy was sex and that the connection or bond was emotion. Somehow, I was failing to see that two are bound together like a helix. The two woven together and around each other keeps a relationship healthy.


After being in a relationship for so long things become routine, it is a must that you keep things new. We forget that this takes work. It’s a common thread I hear all too often when talking with couples that turn to alternative sex lifestyles to compensate for this. In reality all it takes is a few new ways to reconnect and be present in the moment, together.



Below is a list of my top 6 Intimacy Exchange Games for Couples


1. Soul Gazing

  • Face each other, knees touching.

  • Hold eye contact for 3 to 5 minutes. This is not a staring contest, remember to blink.

  • Absolutely no talking.

2. Extended Cuddle Time

  • This exercise improves all the feel good chemicals in the brain yet relaxes you and strengthens your bond.

  • Schedule or create 20 -30 minutes each time you cuddle.

  • Make this a routine of 2 – 3 times per week.

  • No talking about problems, stresses money or issues with your partner. Only quiet, positive and loving thoughts are to be expressed.

3. Seven Breaths for Connection

  • No I am not crazy and this is not a woo hoo game. Open your mind to the possibilities.

  • Sit or stand face to face and couch foreheads.

  • Hold hands.

  • Breathe in and out slowly at the same time. In together, Out together.

  • Sync your breathing and either do 7 breaths in and out or hold this for this for 7 minutes.

  • Remember to breathe together.

4. Uninterrupted Listening

  • Only one talks.

  • One listens.

  • Set a timer and stick to it.

  • Remember, the one listening is not allowed to talk, rebuttal, or offer help. This is purely an exercise in listening to your partner.

5. Weekly C.E.O. Meeting

  • Set a non-negotiable meeting time.

  • The meeting takes 30 minutes.

  • No tech. Turn the phones off. Turn the TV off. Put the computer away.

  • No kids.

  • No distractions.

  • Questions that are allowed are ones like: a) how do you feel about US today? B) How can I make you feel more loved?

6. Five Things to Go-go

  • Pick a code word.

  • Any partner can start the game.

  • This can be played at any time.

  • Say…list (insert topic) Topics can include feelings, favorite foods, cravings, sexy things. Be creative.

Now you have some amazing, quick and fun tools to help you reconnect. You can make these games your own and adapt them. Remember that to use these games effectively it uses two things, one is being present in the moment and the other is a focus on your partner.


These simple games also teach you how to communicate again. Communicating with a purpose and positive intent is always something that is lost to the problems and stress of the everyday life. I encourage all my couples to learn how to speak and listen effectively.  


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