1. Consent and Strong Desire:
In basic form consent means giving permission. But more then that, it means that the permission that you give happens on a continuing basis. So why the strong desire? If you don’t both want this 24/7 relationship 110% then your consent will change and waiver. It creates instability. Remember consent is like a fluid entity.
2. Distinction between Fantasy and Reality:
Do you understand the difference between role-play and real? Sometimes we have that fantasy in our heads that we want to try. Like the naughty school girl or that buff pool boy and they make there way into our bedroom. Its awesome, nothing wrong with that. But when you are living a sexual lifestyle 24/7 you can’t expect that your ideal fantasy can stay afloat.
Power exchange ( in BDSM 24/7) Can not be expected to be naked, collared and crawling around on the floor everywhere. That is the fantasy. Finding ways to put power exchange into your everyday life will keep this dynamic alive. It shouldn’t matter if your submissive is in her favourite torn hoodie and you in your sweat pants around the house. The dynamic should always be in place.
Remember fantasy is short term, a tryst in the bedroom, a scene in the dungeon. An important hint, the dynamic should thrive without the promise of an orgasm.
3. Clean Motivations:
You are choosing a place of strength. In other words you are not living this lifestyle because you are dependant on it or using it as a band aid solution to fix other problems.
Dysfunction can not be fixed by a change in sexual relationship style. If you are using it for that then you are not entering into this with clean motives. You can not hope to solve a relationship problem by adding kink.
4. Commit to Working on Your Own Shit:
Each person in the relationship is valuable but if they can’t do for themselves they this poses a strain. Each person needs to grow as an individual. If this is stunted by your partners actions or your own excuses then you need to work on you. To maintain a healthy alternative sexual lifestyle you need to be your best and that means looking after you. No one can do that for you. So if you want independence, find work, find a hobby.
If you are a dominant but you can get the bills paid or you have meltdowns, you must first realize that you need to control you first. You have to have yourself together in order to be effective in dominating a partner sexually.
Make sure you are happy and content with you.
5. Acknowledge Equality:
We are all human beings. We all have rights. This means that no matter your age, race, color, gender or role we are all equal. No one can take this away from you. All parties in an alternative sexual relationship have equal say.
If one person sees them self as superior to another then dynamics and relationships fail.
6. Acknowledge Your Humanity:
We are all human. We all make mistakes. We all falter and we can’t all be sexual beings 24/7. Understanding and accepting this in your partner means you understand the humanity in the situation. It also means you help your partner grow as a person.
If your sub is sick you are no less a Dom for tucking her in and giving her a teddy to cuddle. It means you are looking after her as she would for you. It doesn’t change your dynamic. It reinforces it. You look after what is important for you.
7. Strong Communication:
We talk about and preach communication skills. Yet we are never really taught them as children. Being able to express your wants and needs in a relationship without fear is crucial. But also important is the ability to listen to one another and act.
Communication is not always about talking to a person. Its about all of the above. Perhaps it would be wise to determine your Language of Love. So that you can express yourself to each other in the correct ways.
8: Restriction of D/s or Kink to the Relationship:
This is about setting boundaries. When your out at dinner as a couple for an out of the house date night is not the time to get kinky. Allowing your dynamic to flow over into family settings is not wise either. After all there are some people that you do not want them to know what you do in your home in private.
Of course there are subtle ways to maintain your dynamic and those are encouraged but talk about and set boundaries. In a personal sense and relationship sense and in a sexual sense and expect them to change with time.
Always have a support network in place. We all need an ear sometimes or someone to find comfort in that may not be our partners. That’s normal and healthy. Three things I suggest are:
Participation in the kink community.
Reading books and gain knowledge.
Find someone that you can talk to about your dynamic that is not in the situation. Sometimes that is the voice of reason you need.
This is a check and balance system for sure. You can’t expect to jump into this and everything be solved 5 minutes later. Your relationship evolves and changes over time. You need to understand that fixing the problems will also take time, trial and error. Persist and be kind to one another.