Couples frequently ask us what they can do when the relationship has lost its sizzle and they find themselves living more like roommates than lovers. How do we put that new car smell back into the relationship?
The short and truthful answer is you can’t. We feel it is important to keep realistic expectations of your lover and the relationship itself. The very nature of infatuation is a neurochemical release of serotonin, epinephrine, and endorphins. It is literally a chemical high and this is what we call falling in crazy love. Unfortunately, some people can become addicted to these chemical feelings and think that the love is over when reality kicks in. They are doomed to drift from relationship to relationship, never evolving to the next phase. While we can never go back to those feelings when the relationship was brand new, we can move forward to an equally exciting and far more rich and rewarding stage of love. Here are just a few ideas to get you started.
1. SCHEDULING SEX TIME
As un-spontaneous and “more like homework” as this may sound, this is important for the health and happiness of your relationship. Whether you decide once, twice, or three times a week is right for you, the solution is as unique as each couple. It is important to remember your sexuality is like a muscle- if unused it will atrophy. The more you use it the stronger it will get and the more you will want to use it.
Life’s business can quickly overcome sexy intimate time coupled with worry and exhaustion, it sometimes can feel like a Herculean effort to be intimate. The effort is worth it. Don’t think of it as scheduling sex but rather making your sexuality a priority. Knowing when you will get some sexy time means you can clear your schedule… indulge in pamper time as you get ready for your lover. This weekly ritual does wonders for self esteem and desire. Happy couples put their intimacy at the top of their to do list!
2. TRYING NEW EXPERIENCES TOGETHER
Try new experiences that could be a little challenging for both of you. This could be just about anything. Canoeing, dancing, karaoke, new foods, etc.
The key to this exercise is twofold. Firstly, human beings crave new experiences. When couples first date everything is a new experience; this novelty keeps the excitement and joy juices flowing. This can, of course, extend into your sex life. Try new positions in bed… new places for quickies… sneak kisses… you are limited only by your imagination. Secondly, supporting each other while going through a challenging task will naturally bring you closer together. Chris and I tried scuba together. Both of us were nervous and excited. Supporting each other as we challenge ourselves with this new experience bonds us and leaves us feeling connected and happy. New experiences strengthen the foundation of trust.
3. BAN THE PECK
This tiny little lifeless kiss destroys more passion then the mother in law moving in. It can be a red flag of a lackadaisical attitude towards affection. It is the difference between roommates and passionate lovers. The peck kiss is a withdrawal of the love bank. It’s that kiss you do as you are running out the door and your lips land a brief microsecond on the cheek. To change this is really simple. Both parties commit to banning the peck and making every kiss count.
Every time you normally peck, you add a few more seconds to that kiss. It doesn’t have to be a make out session but a real kiss you will remember. Young lovers would never dream of wasting a kiss with a peck. They jump at the chance to speak of love, desire, and passion with their lips. This intimate conversation is shared only with and by lovers. We feel so strongly that this small change can have such a huge impact on relationships that we started a movement: check out our Ban the Peck Facebook page and tell your friends. ” if any man can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is certainly not giving the attention the kiss deserves.”– Albert Einstein
4. NO PHONE ZONE
We live in a time with social media and cool electronics. Many couples easily succumb to these distractions and their partners can be left feeling alone, unwanted, ignored, and frustrated. Both parties should discuss and agree what time of the day to put it all away. During this no phone zone time can be spent cuddling, walking, massaging one another, or having sex… whatever you are both in the mood for.
5. APPLY DON’S THREE SIMPLE RULES FOR A BETTER RELATIONSHIP
1. Ask for what you need. Asking for what you need – it’s extremely unfair to expect your partner to read your mind or think “she should just know what I need”. Too many of us expect our partners to magically know what we need and then become secretly angry when we don’t get our needs fulfilled. If something is important you you are going to have to talk about it. Likewise, if there is something he or she is doing that is irritating to you, it is important to let them know. You’re not saving their feelings by not speaking up- instead you are building resentment and denying them the chance to change their behaviour. Often people are unaware that some of their behaviours are annoying or aggravating their lover.
2. Always assume the best of your lover. Assuming the best in each other means giving each other the benefit of the doubt trusting that they always have your back. If you’re not starting from the position of “I know my lover always wants the best for me and would never intentionally hurt my feelings,” then you’re starting down a slippery slope that will build resentment between you two and drive you apart.
3. Think about your partner more than you think about yourself. Thinking about your partner more than yourself keeps a healthy focus on each other’s happiness as opposed to a more narrow self centred view. This may seem obvious, but how many of us get stuck on a few negative thoughts, make ourselves feel crappy, and then take it out on our lover? If we instead change our focus to “how can I help my sweetie today” and act upon this, you may be surprised to find this choice and action will increase your own happiness. Thinking about your lover and their happiness ties into our next suggestion of…
6. SEX TOYS AND ADVENTURES
The immediate benefit of all sex toys is that to try them you need to have sex. Having sex is always a win/win in relationships. Sex is one of the healthiest activities anyone can participate in. The health benefits of sex could be a whole other blog post (or maybe even a book), but for today we would like to plant the seed to consider bringing sex toys into the relationship to enhance and ignite the passion and play in your relationship.
There are hundreds of thousands of toys on the market today. Some for solo flights, and some for couples. Popular couple toys are remote vibrators, remote vibrating panties, vibrating cock rings, sex furniture, and more. If you’ve never had a sex toy before, we recommend exploring our online store to get an idea of what is out there and what they can do. Next you could look for a product review, or come into Little Shop of Pleasures and talk to our pleasure experts about choosing your first toy. The staff are trained to ask great questions to better understand your needs and to assist you in picking a toy right for you.